Overly Friendly Cacti
by Bananna
Summary: Our favorite group of friends decide to explore the grate outdoors...they just need to get past packing and airport security first. Will Warren stay sane?
1. The Idea

It was springtime. Maxville was slowly turning green as the plant life around the city woke up from its long winter nap. The air was still tinted with the chill of winter, but held the promise of scorching hot summer days.

Students at Sky High were rather boisterously excited about this particular Friday. Why you may ask; because it was the last day of school before Spring Break.

Many students had not so secret plans for not so secret parties. Girls twittered about the mind-boggling amount of shopping they would do. Boys challenged each other to video game tournaments. Pool parties, lake parties, ice cream parties, and sleep overs...

The exuberant atmosphere that pervaded the school did wonders to lift the spirits of just about everyone...but was found heinously annoying by a certain pyro.

Though he had accepted months ago that a certain group of freshmen were bound and determined to make themselves a permanent part of his life, that didn't mean that he was used to or even liked them popping up at random and invading his personal space.

"So you're coming right? You got the time off from work?" Will asked with great exuberance.

Warren was rather startled to find the face of his once "enemy" turned "friend" where his locker door was previous to him closing it. To his credit, he expertly morphed his startlement into his ever-present scowl and thus covering the fact that he was startled by the sudden appearance of the obnoxious red, white, and blue teen.

"You aren't going to leave me alone until I say yes are you?" Warren asked cautiously.

"Layla keeps saying you're deviously smart." Will answered.

Warren shook his head in exasperation. "You don't even know what that means."

"I think she saying you're smart. But I don't see it." Will said as they began walking toward the cafeteria.

Warren glanced at the other teen at the remark. He was either blissfully unaware or willfully unaware of the danger he had just put himself in. Warren hadn't quite settled on which.

"You haven't answered the question." Will almost sung as they made their way to their usual table.

"Why repeat myself." Warren grumbled as he saw the same question written all over the rest of their faces.

"Because." Will said as he sat next to Ethan. "I'm your best friend and I should get to know first."

"Repeat what?" Layla asked as Warren sat next to her.

"That unfortunately Mrs. Chang was all to happy to give me next week off. And my mother was far too enthusiastic about the whole thing." he said flatly.

"So you're going!" Layla happily confirmed.

"Awesome dude." Zack added.

"Why was your mother enthusiastic about the trip?" Magenta dared ask.

Warren quirked an eyebrow at her curiosity. Why his parents were an endless source of curiosity for these five freshmen in particular was beyond his comprehension. "Something about character building and a great head start." he said. "It didn't sound too good for my summer plans."

"What does next week have to do with summer break?" Zack asked.

"Don't know." Warren shrugged as he took his sandwich and book out of his bag. "Mother's cryptic like that."

Anything else the five friends would have asked was withheld for a later time. Most of them (all but Zack actually) had learned that once Warren opened a book; that was the end of any conversation he was reluctantly pulled into. The boys just shrugged it off, intent on completely forgetting it until it was brought up again. The girls shared a knowing look...they would get it out of him eventually.

He usually tried to stay far away from their little schemes. And with his job, it was usually very easy to avoid their little group sessions.

But when the five of them got the same idea in their heads, he was usually doomed.

So it was with great trepidation that he listened to the hair-brained scheme the five of them approached him with three weeks prior. They wanted do something over spring break, as a group…as friends. So the girls had gone to the Internet, and found some camping adventure thing that they thought would be perfect.

Turned out it cost an arm and a leg, and took a few personal connections to get them in, but apparently the Strongholds were more than willing to take care of it all. Warren of course refused their generosity and paid for his own entrance fee, insurance fee, plane ticket, and everything else that cost something on this little venture. But he was sure that Zack and Ethan's parents at least were grateful to the super duo, if only for getting their children out of their hair for a week.

It had been with great unease that he listened to them plot the "perfect" camping adventure over three week's worth of lunch periods. As he listened to their conversations his sense of foreboding doom as concerning himself…lessened. But his sense of foreboding doom as concerning the rest of them...that was skyrocketing.

But he had to figure, after following his mother through dense jungle for a month to find the Temple of the Elements (exact location is to remain classified: above top secret) with homicidal goons bent on their demise dogging their every step last summer; a week in semi-civilized woods with five inexperienced ...friends... shouldn't be too hard.

Famous last words…

The rest of lunch, and in fact, the rest of the day, passed unremarkably uneventfully. The six of them boarded the busses to take them to their various stops as soon as the bell rang. They would disperse to their homes to gather their belongings required for the upcoming week, and meet at Will's house for dinner and to have Warren inspect their luggage to ensure everyone had what they needed.

It was decided weeks ago that Warren was the most knowledgeable on the subject when it was discovered that he alone of the six of them had ever been camping before. All Warren could do at the time was roll his eyes at their helplessness and give them a hastily scribbled packing list.

He was still incredibly uncomfortable at any of their homes, most of all at the Stronghold home. Josie Stronghold had practically adopted him as a second son, which from his perspective was a little weird. And much to Steve's surprise, he found that the teen was actually very likable, but he was still unsure what to do with the surly teen, so just followed his wife's lead and treated him like he did Will and hoped for the best.

Unknown or unnoticed to either of them, this course of action thoroughly unnerved the reclusive teen. He was very unsure of what to do about the two adults. So he tried to avoid them as politely as possible. At least all the other parents treated him in a somewhat predictable manner. That is to say that they regarded him with a health dose of suspicion in general, if not unlike the feral cat the kid dragged home and insisted on keeping.

So it was with dread that he tossed his pack into the back of the Jeep and headed toward the Stronghold house that evening. He actually drove the speed limit. He even drove 5 below when there wasn't anyone behind him. Heck, he contemplated turning around once. But he figured if he didn't show, they would instigate a citywide search for him and then interrogate him for hours…days…months even…about why he didn't show. After thinking that one over he decided that it would be less painful to face them now rather than the alternative.

So he finally pulled up to the curb in front of a quaint little house in the quaintest little neighborhood in the city. He took a few deep breaths to steady himself before he turned they key and opened his door.

He was immediately assaulted.

"Hey War." Will said as he popped up next to the Jeep.

"You're late." Layla said as she gave him a quick hug, arms unconsciously lingering around his waist.

He was certain that it would take him an eternity to figure out how the five of them could be as loud, obnoxious, clumsy and overbearing as they were, with the combined stealth expertise of a freight train, yet still be able to pop up out of nowhere if getting his attention was involved.

"We're all ready." Will said as they moved to where everyone's stuff was laid out on the driveway. Warren blinked at the site. Everyone's belongings had been laid out in the garage, mostly according to the packing list he had scribbled for them weeks ago, as if they were to endure a military level inspection.

"We figured this would be easiest." Layla said, as she caught Warren eying the display in confusion, or was that horror?

Warren took another deep breath and plead with every higher being in the universe for the help he would need in getting through the following week and approached the task that was laid before him…literally.

He was half way through Zack's pile when Josie wandered out with a plate of appetizers.

"Oh good." She said when she saw the dark haired teen bent over a pile of what was supposed to be camping gear. "I was wondering if I needed to worry about Zack's choice in personal hygiene supplies."

Warren spared her a glance before turning back to Zack. "There will be no power there." He said as though he were explaining a basic concept to a two year old. "So unless you can power this with your glowyness, leave it here." He then placed the hair dryer off to the side in the reject pile. "Why do you have an electric shaver?" He questioned, "You don't have anything to shave."

"Do too." Zack protested.

Warren raised both of his eyebrows, his expression clearly inviting an explanation.

"Right here dude." Zack said as he pointed to a single two-millimeter long, fine blond hair growing from the tip of his chin. "Didn't shave this morning, so it's kind of long right now. Manly right?" He waggled his eyebrows at Magenta.

Warren closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "It stays here." His word was final. He also proceeded to put in the reject pile the half gallon bottle of shampoo and conditioner, the tub of hair gell, the pair of Jordan knockoffs, the portable DVD player and the pile of DVDs. Four of the six pairs of pants went into the reject pile, eight of the ten T-shirts and two of the three hoodies followed.

"Why did you pack a winter parka?" Warren asked a hint of exasperation in his voice.

"Cuz we'll be in the mountains, it gets cold in the mountains." Zack explained.

"This is too heavy. You'll sweat in this and get colder. You can use the rest of your clothes to layer." He said as he put the coat in the reject pile.

"You don't need to go through there." Zack was quick to say, but too afraid to physically restrain the older teen from opening a particular pocket on his backpack. Warren paused, hand hovering over the zipper, and looked at him awaiting an explanation.

"You know," Zack said throwing a nervous glance toward the ladies of the group, "My, uh, my…" he couldn't bring himself to say the word underwear in front of the girls, at least when the word referenced his own personal underwear.

"Do you have at least eight pairs?" Warren questioned with minimal sympathy.

"Eight?" Zack asked, "Dude I got 14."

Warren resisted the urge to burry his head in his hands. "Do you have at least that many pairs of socks?" he asked instead.

"Why do I need 14 pairs of socks? We're only going to be there for a week." Zack questioned.

Warren didn't even bother answering that question, just upped the heat in his glare by a fraction of a degree.

"Uh…I don't remember." Zack said nervously.

"Are they in this pocket?" Warren asked.

"Yah…um…I'll count them." Zack moved quickly.

Warren finished up with the rest of his pack while he counted his socks. He didn't have 14 pairs, but Warren said he had enough to learn a lesson from. No one was sure what to make of that statement. Will surreptitiously snuck off to gather more socks from his room. Layla and Magenta drifted off to their own packs and started taking items out that were similar to what was now in Zack's reject pile.

The girls were more practical in their hygiene items, but he still had to nix their shampoo and conditioner bottles. This though was met with a demand to explain how they would clean their hair, and themselves when he put the bottle of liquid body wash in the discard pile.

"Baby wipes." Was the only explanation that he gave them. "And you're not going to care how greasy your hair is after the second day you're out there."

All in all the rest of the packs weren't that bad. Warren had to nix all of Ethan's books. Though he did allow a small journal each. He had to carefully balance his slightly sadistic desire for them to learn a lesson with his potential loss of sanity after listening to them complain for a week straight.

Sanity won.

On their way inside for dinner, after everyone had repacked what was approved of, Warren approached Mrs. Stronghold. His body language and facial expression clearly stated that what was on his mind was not a…comfortable…issue.

"Is there something wrong?" Josie asked worriedly yet quietly.

"No." Warren said, clearly searching for a way to say something. He gave it a try a few times. Each time no words came out. Josie waited patiently, worry gone, but curious as to what may have the quiet teen so consternated.

"Can you make sure the girls, and yourself, have the right…" he paused looking for the right words, "girls stuff." He finally said.

Ah yes, Josie understood the discomfort. She was surprised really, so she couldn't help but ask; "What made you think of that?" She couldn't help but be ever so slightly amused.

Warren tensed in either annoyance or exasperation, whichever one it was, was heavily overshadowed by embarrassment.

"Most of my backpacking experience has been with my mother." He said tersely.

Josie smiled. "I'll make sure they're prepared."

Warren just nodded and entered the house.

Now…all he had to do was survive dinner and spending the night before driving to the airport in the morning.

Oh joy.


	2. The calm before the storm

Cats.

Wonderful creatures; beautiful, sleek, graceful, agile, stealthy, muscular, powerful…deadly.

Wild or domesticated, they have an air of superiority, untouchable; extremely particular about the company they keep. Most of them complete loners. They are often portrayed as disloyal, vindictive, self-centered, and conceited. And true, some of them actually are. But if you are the lucky person that they choose, they are far more loyal to you than any dog could ever hope to be. They shower you with their own version of affection, read your moods better than any psychiatrist and know just how to tweak your mood to keep an even keel.

If you aren't the lucky person that they've decided to devote their loyalty to; they'll ignore you completely if you show any interest in them, and if you don't they'll bug you just to get a rise out of you. For instance, they'll make a b-line for the one person in the room allergic to them, simply because they are the one person in the room that isn't paying attention to them. But most of the time, ninety percent of the time actually, anything but their person is beneath their notice. And only fifty percent of the ten percent that is reserved solely for their person will they deign to respond to any overtures made by said person.

After the Christmas incident, Mrs. Williams had decided that Warren was very much a cat. When she had said as much to Josie, within hearing of their children, she had explained as best she could. It was fairly interesting to see the impact that little observation had had on everyone's interaction with the teen. And Mrs. Williams would find herself very amused for years to come that every one of the small group of friends, and their parents, would come to her for advice on how to handle a certain dark haired wild cat. Just because she could talk to animals, and could see the similarities, they all assumed that she knew best how to approach him. She'd just shake her head and point them in Layla's direction.

Yes, it was Warren's cat like tendencies that made dinner difficult for him. He was used to getting his own meals. Breakfast had stopped being a family thing after his father had been put in jail. He had always eaten lunch alone. Even before his father had gone off the deep end kids had been afraid to approach him, and he had been just fine with that (cat). And since he had hit high school his mother had been given more long assignments, and he had started helping at the restaurant, so he pretty much ate dinner alone too.

Since the homecoming incident (which Warren viewed as unfortunate for so many different reasons than the rest of the Sky High population did), his days of solitary cat like tendencies had been numbered. Yes, since that night, five of his seven lunches a week were never alone (half the time the remaining two were invaded as well, and lets not get started on dinners…and he was hoping that Layla…or Josie… never found out he wasn't much of a breakfast person).

The fact that his once solitary lunches had been obliterated had grated on his nerves for a month or two. But he had slowly grown to tolerate it, and then resignedly accept that he would never again have a lunch to himself (at least while he was in high school he liked to think). Now, he was even marginally (barely) grateful for it. Because if he hadn't have had months worth of loud, frivolous, teenage conversations to acclimate him…he probably would have blown the whole house up.

"This is going to be epicly awesome!" Zack cheered around the Doritos he was cramming into his mouth.

"Don't talk with your mouth full." Magenta reprimanded him.

"Is that even a word? Warren is that even a word?" Will asked. Warren refused to answer as he reached for the broccoli.

"No I don't think it is. I could look it up in my dictionary app." Ethan offered.

"So, dude," Zack asked after a glance toward Magenta and a quick swallow of the mouthful of chips. "Why do I need so many pairs of socks?"

Warren stared at him trying to decide if it was worth it to answer the other teen. A glance around the table revealed the rest of them were just as eager to know the answer. So with an internal sigh he blinked and answered.

"Because there are no Laundromats at 7000 ft above sea level in the middle of the Rocky Mountains, and a clean pair of socks will save your life."

"How exactly will a clean pair of socks save our lives?" Magenta asked just as the silence that followed Warren's statement was getting awkward.

Warren just gave them one of his looks, specifically the one that Will had dubbed the 'All in good time young grasshopper' look. Or for those who aren't up on stereotypical pop culture martial arts film references, the 'you are currently being dumb and if you wait a few the answer will become so obvious that a two by four to the head will be more clouded in mystery' look.

The conversation was derailed as Steve walked in the door and gleefully announced, "We got the Hawaii trip!"

Steve was so excited that it took Josie a moment to understand what he had said. But when it clicked, here eyes grew wide and she got just as excited. Steve wasn't above playing the occasional trick on her, but his acting skills weren't nearly good enough to be this convincing. She would never tell him so, it would break his heart to know the reason he didn't get the lead in Oklahoma was because he couldn't act…and not because Barry Battle did something underhanded and nefarious as he continued to believe…but that was another story entirely.

"Really?" she asked.

"Got the tickets right here." Steve said waiving an envelope around in the air. "We leave tomorrow night." Then he seemed to register that they had guests. "Oh, sorry, I forgot." He said, "You all are going camping tomorrow right?"

"Yup." Will answered his father. "But that's awesome that you and mom are going to Hawaii."

"Humm." Steve said, "Maybe we should cash these in and go another time."

"Absolutely not." Josie said. She wanted that trip. It was about time they got a vacation, and it had been 14 years since she had had her husband to herself.

Steve wasn't the only one surprised by the vehemence of her statement. And before the silence could get awkward Josie said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii on a non emergency trip. And we've been working for this trip for ages. We will not cash in these tickets. We can take the kids another time."

Her dialogue was met with raised eyebrows. "Ok then." Steve said. "You kids will go and camp for a week and Josie and I will go enjoy white sand beaches and sunshine."

"Good." Josie said and then proceeded to pass more chips to Zack.

"Hey," Steve said, "Did I ever tell you about the time I spent two days in the…"

Warren patiently waited for Steve to get going on his reminiscence and once everyone at the table was thoroughly enthralled by the obviously inflated recollection, he quietly escaped to the living room to fortify his mental preparations for the upcoming week.


	3. Boarding Pass

Morning dawned bright and early, greeted with much grumbling and yawning. It was a good thing that Warren had insisted that everything be packed in the cars last night, so that everything was ready to go or else they never would have made it to the airport on time.

There was much confusion and a bit of chaos as the group piled out of the two vehicles and grabbed their luggage. There was much hugging, and much last minute instructions to 'be safe', 'don't do anything I wouldn't do' etc., and some last minute checking of pockets and documents.

Apparently Warren and Magenta were the only ones in the group, including the adults that drove them to the airport, that had ever flown commercially.

Warren decided that this week was the universe's way of testing his patience. He wondered what his future had in store if he would need this much patience. Maybe, it was the simple yet horrifying possibility that he was stuck with this particular group of morons for the rest of his long-lived life, and he simply needed to get used to it now when their ignorance was bliss?

Yah, that was looking on the bright side right?

"What are you doing?" Warren had to ask as he noticed Zack messing around with a kiosk that he had made a b-line for the second they had entered the airport doors.

"Dude, this game sucks." Zack said as he continued to press letters on the touch screen. "It won't let me get passed choosing a name for my character."

Warren stood there; deciding if it was worth it to point out that the kiosk wasn't a game. Or if he would let the idiot ignorantly continue in his sad twisted world.

"I don't think that's a game." Ethan decided to enlighten the neon teen.

"Sure it is." Zack immediately defended.

"No," Magenta piped in, "I'm that is where you get your tickets."

"Tickets?" Zack asked.

Warren sighed. This was going to be a really long week. "It would be if you checked in online. Get in that line over there, we have to check our bags."

"But we checked them yesterday. You made us all get more socks." Will said.

Warren turned away from the group and took a deep breath. It would really not do for him to burn the airport down.

"Just get in line." Layla said, noticing the tell tale signs that Warren was about to go postal. She stealthily positioned herself closer to him and grabbed his hand. He glanced at her with narrowed eyes, but did not extricate himself from her grip, nor did he increase the temperature of his hand like he had that one time she called him cutie. So she smiled at him and joined him in ignoring the lot of friends behind them in line.

Magenta of course noticed, and raised an eyebrow. The two girls had decided the night previous that it would fall to Layla to keep Warren from killing any of the other boys, and it would fall to Magenta to keep the three stooges from doing something irrevocably and epically stupid. They were supposed to tag team the three stooges, except when the irrevocably and epically stupid thing coincided with murderous reaction on Warren's part, then they would split to their respective roles.

Magenta knew that this was not a situation that required them to split their containment efforts. So she leveled a knowing look at Layla's back, and turned to babysitting the three stooges all the while swearing that Layla owed her one.

Their wait in line resulted in three slaps to the back of Zack's head, an elbow to Will's gut, two death glares from Warren, and some cowering form all of them at one point or another. But they made it to the check in counter without causing a national incident. Which, considering who was involved, really was an accomplishment.

Every second in line, Warren could feel his hair frizzling. It was a good thing that he had worn it tied back today. He would wind up looking like Einstein by the time they made it through security if he hadn't. Was this what it was like to be a parent of four children under the age of five? He suddenly had more respect for all mothers in the world, and he suspected that he would have even more respect for good parents world wide by the end of the week.

"Zack, Will, if you two don't stop that right now I swear I'll shove that thing where you'll never be able to sit again." He heard Magenta snarl.

He was so never having kids.

"Next!" Finally! He came by long life honestly; both of his parents were for all intents and purposes immortal (of course no one on this planet knew that). He had never actually given it much thought. But he wondered now, if standing in line at the airport was preparation for what eternity would feel like.

Layla had recently pointed out to him that though he was really good at reading people he was actually kind of clueless about certain things. He had no idea what she had been talking about. His irritation had leveled out in line, but it spiked a bit when the woman at the counter asked what they needed. There was something off about her.

"We need to check in for the flight to Colorado Springs." He told her. He noted that she almost fell. People that did the same thing for work everyday really should know what type of footwear was appropriate. Perhaps she was naturally clumsy? Definitely off.

"Great!" she smiled, "Just let me have your I.D. and I'll get you all set." The woman was too cheery. Didn't she know that excessive cheer drove airport goers mad? What ever, he rolled his eyes and turned to the group behind him. Magenta handed him their four I.D.s and he waited patiently as Layla fished hers out of her purse.

Being a Pyro, he could feel the slightest temperature differences. So he involuntarily noticed the woman's flutter in body temperature when he handed her the stack of I.D. cards. Maybe she's diabetic? He thought.

He continued to actively ignore Magenta corralling the other three young men behind him as they waited for the lady to input all the information that she needed to in order to check them in and get them their boarding passes. Though the extremely sour look on Layla's face did give him pause. He thought that she found Will's and Zack's antics amusing.

Why did he suddenly feel like he was missing something?

** What Warren missed **

Veronica was having a typical day. People tended to turn into the grumpiest and mean spirited forms of life when the came to the airport. But she supposed she couldn't blame them, she did it to when she had to fly somewhere. There was just something about being treated like a world class criminal and deprived of basic humanity when forced through airport security. Paying to be treated as a criminal cattle tended to make people angry. So she did her best to keep smiling at the frustrated and harried passengers that came to her to check in, trying to remember to treat each person as a person, and not an angry cow.

Moo, she supposed.

She'd seen handsome men, well dressed and clean shaven as well as some fairly unattractive men (she wouldn't be mean even in her musings). She'd seen roguish and scruffy, tall and short, round and lean. The ones that didn't speak much English were usually lookers.

She had seen a lot in her people herding days at the airport, and she really didn't like to think of herself as boy crazy. But she couldn't stop her jaw from dropping at the sight of the young man that was patiently waiting for her to call the next person in line to her counter. He was tall and slim, but you could tell he had muscle. His skin was tan and his dark hair pulled back leaving his exceptionally handsome face free for all the world to see. There was something wild in his dark eyes. It took her a full two minutes to drag her brain back form lala land and refocus on her job.

"Next." Veronica said loudly and as pleasantly as she could. She tried to be pleasant to everyone that crossed her counter, but try as she might, she couldn't stop herself from being overly excited when the young man moved and walked toward her. He moved with a grace and agility that she imagined only Olympic gymnasts moved with, that or really big cats. Her mind settled on the big cat, as there was a hint of danger about him too. She didn't even notice the young woman clinging to his hand or the group of teens following them.

"What can I do for you today?" The words and tone were completely professional, but she had to stop herself from smacking her forehead on the counter when her own brain told her this was the first time she meant that in not very professional terms.

"We need to check in for the flight to Colorado Springs." The young man said. Veronica was glad that the counters were so high, and that no one noticed her knees go week enough that she had to grab the counter to stay upright. That voice was something else.

"Great!" she smiled, "Just let me have your I.D. and I'll get you all set." When he turned she noticed the group behind him for the first time. She also noticed the especially sour look on the petit redhead standing next to him. She didn't let her smile falter as she watched the young man gather the group's I.D.s.

"Here." He said curtly.

"Alrighty then." Veronica said as she took them from him. And once again she couldn't help the thrill that went through her when their fingers brushed. She felt like this could be fate. The fairytale meeting…

And then cloud 9 came crashing to the ground. She blinked several times. She dug out the calculator to confirm. And then checked it again. And a third time to be sure.

16

Well damn. Now she felt like a pervert.

She didn't say anything else as she typed in the information for the young man and the rest of the teens in the group. When the issue of luggage came up she handed them off to Jim and expertly excused herself.

** End what Warren missed **


End file.
